GrandDawn’s Log: Day 56 – guest writer

Dear Nathalie,

Last night, I tried posting a video to Facebook but they would not let me.  It was a video of you sleeping peacefully while listening to your favorite lullaby “In A Week” by Hozier. Apparently, I don’t own the rights to the song…whatever.  This is your cuteness and the official notification we received.

nathalie 8 weeks In honor of you being officially 8 weeks old today, and though you are cute and wonderful, aside from the little kitten sound you made last night, there is nothing new to report so I am posting the letter that was written to you from your Aunt Pixie during the time your mother was in labor:

Dear Nathalie,

You are about to come into the world. As I was driving through the hospital campus, I was stopped by a parade of baby geese and the rest of the flock. I will consider that a good sign. Small babies with a large, loving family.

The sunset is as beautiful as could be and I think it is another way the world is trying to welcome you. I took a picture of it for you so that you can one day see it for yourself.

It is 9:14 pm on June 26th, 2016. I am terrified and excited for you and your mom. Your grandma and grandpa are in a waiting room with me right now. Your mother still has not been assigned to the room that will be your very first performance stage.

It is 10:30 pm. Your mom is finally in a room. Your last meal inside of the womb is chicken nuggets, french fries, nerd’s candy, and sweet tea. Your keep being a little impatient and it has made it difficult for your mom to eat.

It is 10:37 pm. I have decided to record a few “golden quotes” from this joyous event for you. Your mother said this zinger. “Laughing makes me leak!”

It is 10:57 pm. I finally felt you kick for the first time in 9 months! ❤ It was fantastic and well worth the wait.

It is June 27th,2016 at 12:06 am. Your mother is very hangry. Your last womb meal was, as previously stated, interrupted repeatedly by contractions. Thus far, your mom has continued to keep her spirits up the best she can. Her golden quote # 2 is “I don’t know what to do with my legs…just… I don’t want this. -gestures to her lower body- I just want to be an upper body.”  You have been rather cantankerous. She has also been praising your father’s soft hair, but I do not have an exact quote for you. I apologize. Just know that he has fantastic tresses that your mother adores and she has expressed a desire for you to also have such wonderful locks. I have faith in your hair.

Your mother is also taking my role of Captain Obvious. “Oh my word, this hurts a lot.”  Yes, that is a direct quote. Your mother has a very delicate manner of speaking sometimes. 

It is 1:00 am. You, coming into the world, made your mom cry. She is so strong.

Your grandparents and I are leaving the hospital for now. I will return with them in the morning. We are all exhausted. I can only imagine your mother’s exhaustion. Your dad is being such a wonderful rock for her. (Go, Daddy!)

It is 9:50 am. Child, it has been 12 hours. Get out of your mother’s tummy already so that we can gush over you!

It is 10:50 am. Small Woodsprite.Your mother loves you so much. You’re so close to being here. She is starting to try to move you from your cozy home into this giant world. Please be gentle.

It is 11:19 am. Tiny Woodsprite, I have been praying. I think you’ll one day have a voice like bells. I’ve been crying for you and your mother. I can hardly wait to meet you. I already love you more than you know. Please be kind to her. Your mother is so sweet.

It is 11:46am I just got a message from your dad. All it said is “11:23”. Tiny heart, are you here? I’m trembling like a rabbit!

It is 11:55 am. You are here tiny Woodsprite! I have not met you yet, but your mom did amazing and you are here! She has you pressed against her chest right now. Your daddy is right there with her. He must be beaming. Her heartbeat must be so loud in your tiny ears. Welcome to the world tiny amazing girl.

I was listening to music and the song that played the moment you were born is Florence + the Machine “Breath of Life”  How appropriate for that to be your theme song.

Amazing girl, I held you for the first time at 1:55 pm. While you were in my arms, I whispered to you about how much we all love you. I told you how happy we are to meet you. I described the world and the sky outside for you. It is blue and beautiful. I can’t wait to see your eyes. You are so tiny and cute like a little otter. You hiccup when you cry (just like your mom).

I adore you.

XOXO,
Your Aunt Pixie Aunt Pixie

Here are some pictures that Aunt Pixie took that day:
20160626_203613-COLLAGE
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Driving Miss Crazy (Episode 4)

The scene:

7:15am, still dark, moon out, stars twinkling, Orion visible in the morning sky.
Truck is in reverse, I look over and Breanna (a.k.a Miss Crazy) is trying to bend the laws of physics and see the sky out of her window with the window still rolled up.

“You can still see the stars this morning.”
(She acts irritated that I interrupted her star viewing with (of all things) WORDS)
“Science class ruined stars for me”

“How so?”

I dont recall her explanation but somehow finding out about gases, and the fact that we can see the light from stars long dead… having that KNOWLEDGE irritates her. She mentioned something about the stars in her head, and I told her that the stars in her head could all be alive and made up of bubble gum if she wanted them to be. She explained how that would interfere with her liking things to be logical. My response:

“Being angry at Science for explaining the stars to you is not logical”

Remainder of trip to school….silent.

Driving Miss Crazy. Episode 3


Another episode…remember Breanna is in red, I am in green; for those of you behind in the episodes:
Pilot
Episode 2

-This episode takes place Thursday morning driving Breanna to school-
-Drive begins with an unusual long moment of silence-

I am exhausted
Me too
I have a stupid song in my head. Zazu (see above video) singing Lovely Bunch of Coconuts
Sorry, I sing that whenever I am bored….along with:
A monkey went to sea sea sea
To see what he could see see see
But all that he could see see see
Was the bottom of the deep blue sea sea sea
Poor monkey
You’d think he would have seen a boat or a fish or a bird
Or seaweed…
How could he see the BOTTOM of the deep blue sea sea sea?
I don’t know
Must not have been too far from shore
That would explain not seeing any fish
Why? He could have seen minnows
Minnows in the ocean!?! They live in salt water!?!
They are just baby fish
They are?!?!
-This is where I TRY to stifle my laugh-
-Breanna is at this point speaking rather loudly and acting as if I just confessed to a hidden family secret-

I thought they were a species…a BREED! (said with lots of righteous idignation in her voice)
-I lose my stifle ablility and roars of laughter escape me-

You poor thing, I guess it never really did come up did it?
-Breanna has a look of outrage on her face-
Noooooo! When I was little you just told me to go catch “minnows” when we were at the lake, nothing about them being baby fish!
-me: still laughing-

This is where she gets out of the vehicle, I profess my love for her and wish her a fabulous day and she closes the door and starts shaking her head and spouting gibberish as she waves good-bye and walks toward the school.

Not sure what was crazier, the fact that we were analyzing that silly song or the whole not knowing that minnows were baby fish. God, I love being the mom of a teenager!

Driving Miss Crazy (Episode 2)

Breanna and I have had this conversation or versions of it more than once while driving somewhere:

“I want to get my belly button removed”
“Wwwwwhyyyy?”
“It served it’s purpose, I don’t need it anymore.”
“It still has a purpose. Are you trying to be Kyle XY?”
She blathered on about after being born the belly button serves no purpose.
“It’s new purpose it to collect lint.”
More blathering
“Okay, I’ll make a deal with you. I will pay to have your belly button removed as soon as I have saved up the money to have my wedding venue built.”
“SWEET!”

This conversation reminds me of when she was but a wee child. I remember when she would accompany me to the store and would say “Mommy can I have that?” and point to whatever her object of desire was at that moment. I would say “Yes, honey, someday.” and strangely enough that always made her happy. (the item would usually end up being a birthday or Christmas present) Funny how sometimes just giving them hope is really all that a child needs.

Driving Miss Crazy

I love my time in the morning when it is just Breanna and I in the car driving her to school. The conversations should be recorded and maybe even YouTube’d.

Most of these conversations are utter silliness and are done while we are both laughing hysterically. It does not take much to set us off into hysterical laughter, but it is better than a cup of coffee for waking me up.

Last Thursday morning was one of those days. She headed to the car with a project board, and it is one of those that folds in three and so I ask to see it…and she denies me.

She DENIES me!

So I grab the back of her hoody and we battle on the way to the car.
She unlocks it, but I have the key fob…which means I have the power.
So I lock the doors.
She pretends to show me peeks of it, and finally she gives in.
Once we start driving, this is what follows that:

(Breanna quotes are in RED while mine are in GREEN)

“Why didn’t you want to show me?”
Which she blathers on about her artistic abilities and not liking to show her work to people, which I explain that I am not “people” and then the fun begins with her laughing and shouting:
“Help! Help! Rape!”
I thought I heard, and so I questioned “Help! Help! Hooray!?”
“No RAPE!”
” Help Help RAPE!”
” I said NO.”
” No means NO “
“RAPE! “
“How would ‘Help! Help! Hooray!’ get anyone’s attention?”
More silliness followed but it then led into:

“So, are you going to buy me coffee?”
I ponder and state “I have 4 cents in my checking account” while waving 4 fingers in her face.
“So, are you going to buy me coffee?”

“4 cents. (more finger waving) Which means I am broke. That is so little that they could not make it into one coin; they have to have 4 separate coins so you can see it.”
Then she stated something ‘off’ about a dime being smaller than 4 cents ….

“Hey remember that video I showed you of that weird group Lordi?”
“Yeah”
“Lordi is coming to Ozzfest!”
“We’re going to Ozzfest?!?!” (proof teenagers only hear what they want to hear)
“Nooooo, Lordi is going to BE there.”
“Hey who is that band that you used to listen to that wore the masks?”

“Dir En Gray?”
“No”
“Insane Clown Posse?”
“Maybe, I don’t know”
(Lots of discussion about her thinking it is one of those two and me doubting it)
She finally states “Slipknot!”
“YES! That’s it! Lordi looks like Slipknot mixed with Star Trek; one even reminds me of the Borg!”

Out of nowhere…literally, there had been a moment of silence and then she shouted:
[NOTE: THIS CONVERSATION HAS EDITED FOR CONTENT]
“Gummy Bear [EDITED]!”
“[EDITED]”
“[EDITED]”
“[EDITED]”
“[EDITED]”
” A gummy bear [EDITED]?”
“Yeah!”
Without any enthusiasm I could only respond with “Wow. It’s [EDITED] honey.”
Because of a lack of proper response coming to mind; though I find the thought of her confusing it with [EDITED] very amusing, I realized I needed to change the subject. I then led into the question about colors and flavors of gummy bears and how she and I both like the clear ones that taste like pineapple….

She switches gears and goes into her rendition of Carlos Mencia’s skit about Easter that goes something like: “Hide the eggs! And if anyone asks, eggs come from rabbits!”

We arrive at school, she gets out. I ask about her school ID, shout words of love while she unloads her school project and head to work with my head spinning.

Here are some links to help you “understand” our conversation (but really, you don’t HAVE to click on them. Consider yourself warned):

The Lordi Video
Dir En Gray
Insane Clown Posse
Slipknot
Ozzfest
Star Trek
The Borg
Gummy Bears
Carlos Mencia…Hide the Eggs! (this one is funny)

That was last Thursday. last Friday we bickered about whether or not I shake my leg when I am angry. I say no, she says yes. I say she is projecting her own attributes onto me.

So, just an ordinary morning with Breanna. How was your drive to work?